Somewhere around age 4 or 5, your kid is going to develop a social calendar. When those birthday party invitations start rolling in, for introvert parents, this can breed a healthy dose of cortisol. Actually, I’m not entirely sure if the word “healthy” and that stress hormone belong in the same sentence. But moving along….
You Are Not Alone
Week after week, I do my magic thing at many a child’s birthday party. I often observe a somewhat uncomfortable looking mom or dad pretending to be invisible over in the corner. Introvert parents, you are not alone. Studies estimate between 25%-50% of the population are introverted to some degree. So the chances are that you will never be the only one at your child’s birthday party events that feels uncomfortable.
Drop-off parties are easy, but the kind of birthday party where you’re kind of expected to stay there with your child — those are an entirely different story. This means more than just keeping an eye on your child as she or he plays with their peers. It means interacting socially with the parents of your child’s peers.
Avoidance Strategies For Introvert Parents
You could do the whole social interaction avoidance thing. Arrive as late as you can get away with and leave as early as is socially acceptable. Take a bathroom break in the little half bath under the stairs until some kid needs to go potty. Whip out the phone as if there are urgent texts you need to address. You could just blend into the wallpaper and say nothing until spoken to. Our friends at Parent Co. have a great article on the internal monologue of an introvert mom at a kid’s birthday party.
Engagement Strategies For Introvert Parents
As an introvert parent, you may want to go beyond avoidance. Maybe you want to gain the advantage of an awareness and connection to the parents of your child’s friends. If so, then there are some strategies you can use to make this easier on yourself.
1) Focus on self-acceptance. You are fine the way you are. It’s okay to not be a social butterfly flitting from person to person around the house and chatting up everyone. We are all created differently and growing to like who we are as an introvert parent is important. Besides, there are likely others in the room who are also concerned about how their hair and clothes look, and the social awkwardness, etc. As far as that goes, who you are as a person is more important than the package you present for others to view.
2) Focus on what you can to do help the host. Ask if there is anything you can do to help. Keeping busy can help keep our minds off of the trivial insecurities that may try to creep into our consciousness.
3) Focus on what you can do to help your child. Yes! Some kids zip off to engage with their friends as soon as you walk through the door. On the other hand, yours may be the type of child who struggles to connect with the other young party goers. Find ways to help your child connect. “Can you introduce me to some of your friends?” “Which one is the birthday boy?”
4) Focus on how you can help another parent. This is about hospitality. I know: you may not be the host. Still, you can help make the gathering more comfortable for others. How? A smile. A compliment. Light conversation. “My Timmy has mentioned how (smart, funny, nice, etc.) your Sara is in class.” “How long have you lived here?” “Do you have other children?” “How is your child adjusting to the new ____ ?” These things all serve to help break the ice and make introvert parents feel more at ease.
The more you do these things, the easier it will become. This is true because you’ll gain more social experience that will increase your skill at the interaction game. It is also true because as you do this, you will start to see some of the same parents that you’ve seen before. The result is that you will gain a new friend, or you will gain awareness of places you will never allow your child to go for a sleepover.
–Michael Douglas
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Talk Back
How do you like to get your child’s invitations out? Do you use any strategy that is not discussed here? Does your child’s class allow you to invite individual kids? Let us know with a comment on our Facebook Page.
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